Marital Status : In a relationship

Yes. Yes I know. Very exciting news.

It's disgustingly overwhelmingly complicated but I am so overjoyed and happy and thankful and embracing it all, which totally rules out the complications.

You know how those couples say "When you just know, you just know."

I think I can say that now.

Lesson #493 - No dating men under 24.

Ok so.. I have been MIA lately-(sorry..I have a FABULOUS reason but it's a lil hush hush atm..)-and thought it best to fill my lovely readers in on what the g-o is.

Well simply, not seeing that young boy anymore. He disappeared after I left the state to celebrate NYE-no texts-no calls-just evaporated. That weekend we spent together actually wasn't that good. He started whinging about my walking pace. That's when the extra red flags were flying. Why would you whinge about that..?

Anyways, getting off the subject, we did end up having a discussion about it all, starting with the smoking issue that went straight into the whole "distance" dilemma and "girlfriend/boyfriend label" perplexity. The discussion never really came to an ending. And I noticed straight away the differences. Ok so I know these are stupid, and I know that it's just texting..but I knew something was up when he dropped the xoxo's off and was only writing a few words here and there. It only made me want to get out of the state more as not to have to deal with it. Which is when he disappeared. Some part of me feels like I was kind of "asking" for it.. I made a comment to my friend that went something like.."I wish he would just disappear, it makes it easier to get over it..because you hate them.."

There is truth in that logic and we all know that.

So anyways, a few days after NYE I was out at a pub having some drinks and meeting lovely cute boys, when I felt a drunken urge to know what was happening with ToyBoy.

The text-

"Would like to know what's going on."

The reply-

"Yeah sorry Ive been a bit loose lately"

Oh ok, that's fine. That makes your MIA-ness totally excusable. I'm glad you were having a great time drunk and on drugs and not even thinking about fabulous me.

My reply-

Ok no worries. Look. I think it's best if we stop seeing each other. I'm quite disappointed that you haven't even bothered to text me. I understand you're at parties and festivals, and that's cool. I want you to do your own thing."

I thought that was good. I still said my piece but made it classy. Of course I got no reply to that.

But I did get some answers on Facebook chat when I foolishly decided to say hi. Pretty much the conversation went exactly where I wanted it to, and he said that ending it was worth it because "If you are going to get upset at little things like that (that being disappearing for days) then it's not worth it."

Well fine. Please do fuck off you child.

So that made it a lot easier to get out of my head. How considerate of him.

Anyways, so a whole bunch of stuff has been happening.

Which is top secret.

I promise you'll be the first ones to know. Just know that I'm content. For the moment.

Kisses.

Le sigh..

At 12:25pm today I sighed with great relief. I finally got a text back from the boy, whom we'll call.. Toy Boy.

Toy Boy is my new..toy. That I happen to really really adore We met at the races a month ago and have spoken everyday since. Well except maybe one day, when I refused to text him..I wanted to be chased. And, he texted me at 7am the next day.

And everything has been fabulous, almost too good to be true at times. He calls, he texts. He takes me out. He introduced me to his friends. He tells me about his family and says casually, "you'll see, you'll meet them."

It's like effortless.

When I went away for a mini-break, I thought I'd determine whether we're "exclusive" or what? The worst thing was, I had to ask the question over texting (yes I know..but we were at work and I HAD to know)

He was slightly confused by it all, as the poor darling would. But pretty much said that I could do what I like..which really turned me off. I did not want to hear that. I guess I wanted to hear something along the lines of "You know what sweety? Yes we are. I like you and I want to see how these goes."

So yes I was kinda disappointed. And hurt. And went on a "I don't care" rage for a few days. But it all dawned on me and he has the right to feel that way. He did say he wasn't searching for anyone else. That's a biggie right? That's something! Maybe. I hope.

Anyways so the whole time I was away we texted, we called. There was always some form of contact. And I loved it, I won't lie. I even met heaps of guys and they were cute..but not as cute as him...

So Saturday night was our second date, for some reason it feels like we've been going out forever though. We went out for dinner. The horrible thing is I kept getting this horrible gut feeling that this is not going to work..it was horrible. Sitting there at dinner looking at him and thinking how amazing he is but thinking how I don't think I can handle the age gap and how I don't fit into his life somehow. He was talking about the next 12 months, what he wants to do, and I just felt like I don't fit it. I know it's only been a month but..it feels weird..I know I'm just being silly. I decided to get over it and enjoy the night. So we decided to go to putt-putt, where we were just silly with each other. Randomly making out on the courses. It put my mind at ease.. I floated away on cloud 9...

And he stayed over.. in a moment of vulnerability, I told him how I felt.. that I like him a lot. I felt when he told me he didn't care if I met anyone else that I felt he didn't care. He told me he did care. I told him I don't want to waste time, that I don't want to get hurt. There was instant silence.. but he held me closer and I felt reassured for a moment in time.

Then we woke up together..and even with the morning breath I didn't care. We just laid there dozing randomly and spooning..looking at each other..smiling..laughing.. I made him waffles for breakfast.. It was very cute. He kept thanking me and giving me these huge smiles! It melted my heart. We watched some cricket together and went to the Seafood Markets..it was so coupley. It was awesome. We want to go back with beer and wine and make an afternoon of it with friends. I was so sad when the time was inching closer to him leaving. I instantly missed him.

I hated the feeling.

I never missed the feeling!

So as the night went on we had texted to tell each other we had a great weekend. And stupidly I was expecting a goodnight text because I always get a goodnight text. But there was no text. I put it down to the fact that we had just spent like 24 hours together, that he was with his friends, and he was knackered. The feeling passed.

I woke up this morning secretly hoping I had a text..but I didn't. Which is cool. I texted him very briefly a few hours later. And by a few hours later after I still had not recieved a reply.. Instant wave of disappointment washed over me.. I started replaying over everything in my mind.. had I done something wrong? Said something? Did I come off too strong? It was driving me crazy. I felt sad.. I reached for chocolate! I slumped. I hadn't felt this way in months..I kept asking myself if I was really ready to do this all over again, to get hurt.

And when I finally got that reply I felt so much better. There was even a cute name thrown in there and I got my sanity back.

He's going away this weekend with the boys which makes me slightly apprehensive. I just want him to behave himself and be careful..that's another thing that the age gap makes me.. I feel like I have to look after him or something.. it's crap. I don't want to treat him like that.. I feel horrible when I question things he says and does.. I wish I could stop it.

I'll be so glad when he comes back.

I see him in 2 weeks....Time fly please?

And then New Years will be weird. we're both doing our own things. I possibly will be in another state.. I think maybe just going with it will be the best thing.. I just don't wanna get too attached..

I just want it to be easy..

So maybe something's come up?

How do you all feel about internet dating? 

I'm not 1oo% sure of it myself, but tomorrow I may possibly meeting up with a random Twitter follower in the city tomorrow for lunch. 

I've done the whole meeting people off the internet before (ScoMan!) and it was fine. But Sco didn't and I never had the whole "dating" intention, so it was more a focus on friendship. No agendas.

So anyways this guy is 30-something..very charming (of course he is because I don't physically know him, lol) and yeah I'm not sure. Part of me just wants to see what it's all about. He could be my new potential up and coming boyfriend? Who knows? I just thought I'd give it a go. Nothing to lose, and anything to gain.

As well, a month or so ago a very very random American guy private messaged me on MySpace (I haven't used MySpace in decades lol) and asked me about Australia, about a particular Uni, and my thoughts on activities he should do as he was coming to Australia. We started talking to each other pretty much everyday. It was strange. I was starting to feel slightly infatuated with someone I didn't even know. And then the daily chatting stopped, became more occasional. I originally thought he was coming Down Under in November..but as a matter of fact he touched down last night. I'm not even sure if we'll meet up. I asked him to bring some Butterfingers over for me. 

And there's another quite juicy bit.

Fireman Sam had a friend. we'll call him.. Reeses. He was always so lovely to me. He did all the gentlemanly things that FS never did. Gave up chairs, pulled out chairs, would make me dinner. I never looked him in a different light, because it was just him. And I was with FS. Anyways, Reeses and I have always maintained contact with general chatter about everyday living. Saturday night was his birthday party. I was invited to go, but FS was there with his new girlfriend, not sure if I told ya'll about her but she's 18 and they both do drugs together. That's hott. I thought anyways it wouldn't really be my place to go, and I spent a girlie night with one of FS other best friends girlfriend. When FS mate came home, he was telling me how Reeses spoke so highly of my that night, that he couldn't believe that FS had treated me the way he did. That I was such a nice girl, and yada yada yada. FS best mate..we'll call him.. Clarry, told me to consider him, that he'd treat me so well. I wasn't so sure at first. I don't want to be hated by FS even if he was the one in the wrong. I don't want to come in on his friend territory. I don't want to look like.. well a ganger.. I'm not like that at all. It's kinda awkward just thinking about it. Clarry explained that I wouldn't be friend hopping, after all, FS treated me like shit, it's not like I did him wrong and it wouldn't be bitchy. He told me Reeses would be moving out soon, so I wouldn't have to deal with it so face to face with FS. I started opening my mind to it. As I said before, I never looked at Reeses in that "cute nice guy" light before. But I'm warming to it.

I told Clarry to pass my number on. 

I guess we will just have to see.....  

Going back into the wild

I can actually say for the first time that I have no guys in my life right now..well not the romantically inclined type anyways.

It's feels kinda weird.

 I can definitely classify myself as being single for nearly 2 years now. But I've always seemed to have male company and one time or another. It hasn't felt like I've been entirely single, like I've lived the single gal's life. Maybe I did go out time to time..But it wasn't ever fun. There was always drama drama drama..!

It was a devastating break-up. It killed me deep down, and it took a lot to get over. I did some regrettable things in order to deal with what had happened. I look back, and remember feeling that I just stood stilll whilst things were in motion around me. 

I think I had guys constantly to keep myself from remembering my ex. There was a stage where I realised I hadn't gotten over him, and did end seeing someone. But I just kept it up. The things we do to ourselves. And I've only just learnt my lessons.

Anyways, so I think it's time for me to start living this single life up. I've been in hibernation due to the Winter, but now we're getting closer to Summer..! It's heating up, and what not a better excuse to wear a pretty dress..? And flirt.   

I can't wait to start blogging the dates.. Haha..! This is gonna be a fun ride.

It all starts tomorrow night.

OOOhh venture..!

                              

I want to keep writing..!

There's been recent exits of the "men" (If you could call them that) that have been in my life for quite some time. I'll refer to them as Ute Boy, Footy Boy, and Overseas Boy. Their alias names give a bit of a description already. Typical Australian boys.

We'll start with Ute boy.

Met: 2oo7, but have known since the dawn of time (Primary School, he was the year above. Then we went to the same High School. I had a crush.)

Where: PJ Gallaghers. A mediocre Irish pub. It's like high school reunion in that place.

How: A cheesy first liner.

           "You can come closer..I'm not gonna bite.."

           A killer ute also helped.

So, with a little influence from a crush that had lasted over 10 years or so, I passed on my number. We arranged a first date of dinner at an Italian resturaunt and a viewing of Shrek III. It was a fabulous first date; the best I had ever had. Up until that point, anyways. It was lust at first sight and I was very easily persuaded.. Before I knew, I had fallen head over heels within the first night.

We followed up with a 2nd, 3rd and 4th. Dinners, a DVD and sleepovers. 

I discovered he was seeing someone else whilst seeing me via MySpace. Only because of a snooping friend of a friend who was also the "other girl". My intial reaction was that of immediate hate and betrayal. How dare he had done that to me. Me..! Me..!!!! But for some reason we slipped back into seeing each other. It just happened. And the trust issues never were an issue. I don't know why, but we just worked.

It was a very on and off relationship. He would say he didn't want a girlfriend. Wasn't ready for the commitment. Wasn't ready to have a better half. Liked the single life. But wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Silly me fell into a nice puddle of denial for a few months. I hoped and prayed he would like me, that I was a different girl..Like I could make him be a boyfriend. My boyfriend. Mine.

Then, one day, I had some kind of epiphany. It had struck me. "This guy doesn't want a girlfriend. He doesn't want me". 

I ended it. Well after giving the ultimatum "It's me or nothing." You can only guess what his answer were.

And we drifted back again. And again. And again.

And each time, we would get closer. We learnt so much about each other. It was a given right that Thursday night was our night. We didn't even call each other to double check if the night was still on. It just was.

I had fallen back into the hoping and praying. And the vicious cycle would come around and around again and again. I never learnt anything. I tried playing it cool. I tried not caring. But I couldn't. Because I cared too much.

The last time we were together..I nabbed him as a boyfriend. For 4 day. 4 Days. I managed to talk him into it. And I managed to talk him out of it without even knowing. I had been talking too much. Ute Boy had sent a text which was meant for a mate but had mistakenly been sent to me. It was very hurtful, about how I talk so much shit. I made a fuss. He dumped me. Me. Me..!!

It was like stepping back to the beginning again.

This went on for nearly 2 years. How can people who don't really appreciate each other..don't really "like" each other last that long..?

After a month or so, we started talking. But something is different now. We're just friends.

Just friends.

I'll tell you about Footy Boy next time.