He dumped me.

He's not over the ex.

He's sincerely sorry.

Whatever.

Here's your context!

I'll give you the story.

Lately his ex has been in contact with him - trying to get him to come back to her even though she cheated on him and all this b.s - he insists to Chat Mole (my name for his ex lol) that he is with me now, doesn't want anything to do with her, asks her to stop contacting him etc etc. Yet he has not deleted her number.

It's been bothering me.

On a completely different day (yesterday) we decided to go on a short road trip up the coast. With me driving. I'm only learning to drive; and going up there is like a 2 hour drive, on busy roads and places i've never been before..so I was stressing. And he started stressing me out the moment he walked in the door. I hate being pressured to drive-I know I need hardcore motivation to drive but I really don't like when it's forced upon me, so I was nervous from that moment. Plus it's that time of the month (sorry guys - but it makes more sense telling you) so I'm a little antsy, a little emo. Like 40 minutes into our road trip, he started gesturing wildly to the right; there was a far right lane beside me so I assumed he meant to get into that lane and turn right.. As I've done so he creates a ruckus about me getting into that lane, I go into panic mode, swerve back into the lane I had intially been in and I just exploded ! I wasn't screaming at all-I just was very forceful with my words and used alot of F's haha! "WHY THE EF WOULD YOU EFFING POINT TO MY RIGHT WHEN YOU DONT WANT ME TO GET IN THAT LANE, THEN GO OFF AT ME WHEN I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT!!!!!! EF!!!" I didn't mean to lose my cool,I was just so scared with what had just happened and it freaked him out..he went quiet, I loved that he went quiet (lol) and we continued driving. I had had enough after 1 1/2 hours, so he took over, and everything was back to normal. I apologised for going off at him. I thought everything was fine.

So we get out of the car, stroll through Terrigal. It is boiling hot, and I start feeling woozy. He sits me down at some random cafe. I get myself some water. Boat Boy gets me to look at the menu..I'm not hungry. I feel like fruit salad..there's none on the menu. I'm cooling down, but he starts forcing me to try and choose food..I'm not hungry, remember? He gets annoyed. I tell him he can order food, that I'm fine. Tension sparks clearly, especially to the couple over on the table opposite us. I decide I would like a Cheesymite Scroll (A Cheese and Vegimite pastry YUM!!) which can be purchased from across the road. I say I will be back. He stops me. He says he wants to come with me. I say I can go by myself (2 years of singledom does that to you) I explain I don't need him to help me with everything.. Does he think I'm not capable? He says he just wants to go with me. Then he says something about the "yelling" in the car incident. I crack the shits again - I ask him to try and justify the situation, I got stressed out, his notions were misleading, he got stressed out, I got stressed out (again) but still he cannot find a way to justify the whole car incident even after I had sincerely apologised. Then he brings up that maybe I don't want/need a boyfriend. I tell him how I want nothing more to be with him-that it's not what it seems. Cue eye rolls and confused looks. I hand him 5 dollars for his drink, get up and walk away to Bakers Delight. I hear him calling but ignore.. I felt at the time how I didn't want to deal with this..  Have I changed so much into a different "girlfriend?" I used to be annoyingly clingy and dependent - now I'm the complete opposite.

So I walk back from Baker's Delight, to see him waiting for me across the road. I pretend to not see him (why?) and keep walking. He calls my name again, I turn around. I wait for him to catch up. I know he wants to go to the pie shop, so I automatically walk there, and wait. Everything seems to be ok now. 

We sit down with our chosen meals on a wall overlooking the beach - the view is amazing. We're quiet for a little while, then we start small conversation. It goes quiet again. I sit on his lap after he had finished his meal. We cuddle. I feel like everything is going to be alright at this stage. It changes within 2 seconds. He says he isn't happy. That 2008 has been a crappy year, so many things have happened to him, and it's all caught up to him. Says he wants to be with me, but then asks would we stay friends if anything was to happen. My heart has pretty much broken apart by this comment. I know what he's getting at. I reply with a sharp "No" and get off his lap. He makes a fuss about me getting off his lap. Then says how he wishes nothing more than to get in his boat and sail up to Queensland and never come back. REASSURING HUH!

My whole 2 years of singledom/dating life is flashing before my eyes at this point. I've been at this place before, this "I need time to think" place. That is the place they go to and never come back. So I start panicking.. I go into shutdown//detachment mode. I suddenly feel the urge to get as far away from him as possible. Meanwhile, he states he needs a cigarette. He's trying to give up smoking, but he needs one ASAP. We walk to a bottle shop. I wait outside, with nothing but the urge to get away from him. He steps out, I pick up my pace and start walking in the direction to the car. I have my head down at this point. He calls my name again. I stop. "I just wanna go home." He looks at me with these sad eyes, and nods. I walk towards the rocks; it's a dead end. I notice he has moved towards the edge of the rocks and i take this as an opportunity to get away. He notices after a few minutes and is calling out my name loudly. I stop once again. He grabs me and hugs me. He says he doesn't want me to hate him. I stay blank. Tears well up in the corner of my eyes, but I ignore them. We start to walk off. We walk up this crazy hill, me so far ahead in the lead. I don't even ask if he can drive, I open the car up, put my L Plates on, and start driving. He keeps asking if I was ok. I don't reply. I purposely put myself on emotional shutdown.. I don't want to deal with this again! We get to a complicated roundabout, I freak out, but then all the emotions come to a head and I break down just before I need to conquer the roundabout. He tells me to calm down, stop crying, wants me to just get past this round about and he'll take over. I finally pull over when i get a chance. I curl up in the passengers seat and start to cry again. The dating life is still flashing by me. Then I remember: New Years Eve - we were spending it together, with his friends. Now he wants time off.. What am I going to do? Then visions of me spending NYE all by myself starts depressing me so much more. Then I get angry. This is not fair to do this to me! Especially just before NYE. I had already called off going to a music festival just so I could spend New Years Day with him. What the ef was I supposed to do. We drove home in silence. I put my iPod on for extra security. 

We finally get to my place. Still silence. We lay on my bed. I go in for a cuddle but it's like some half assed cuddle. I push myself away. We some how start making out, things start getting a bit ahead of themselves. For a moment, I had forgotten everything that had just happened. Then, he stops. He says he doesn't want it to go any further.. Says he doesn't want this to affect his thinking time. I felt completely rejected as well as recieving a stinging slap in the face as a reminder that he may change his mind completely about us. 

He decides he should leave, and I just lay there, motionless. I let him go. He wants a kiss. A quick peck. No moving. He walks away. I sit and stare at my satin pillows, feeling blank. He thinks I'm crying. I can hear him walking back to my room, saying "Dani don't cry." "I'M NOT CRYING!" I feel like yelling out. I just stay still. he comes back and gives me some half-assed hug, and walks back out again.

I feel better.

I turn on Foxtel (Fox?) and see that Almost Famous is on. I quickly forget everything..yet there is some shadow still lurking behind somewhere. 

He said he would call me in the morning.. that we haven't broken up. 

It's morning.

Umm..?

What does it mean when a boyfriend "needs time to think" ? ? 

Not good.

Merry Christmas :)

Like to wish everyone a VERRYYY Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a wonderful day! And Santa was generous.

Much love.

D*

x

I have an announcement to make..

I
Have
A
Boyfriend!



OMFG!

Its Boat Boy..!


He asked me out at 3am in the morning, after just talking non stop about absolutely every single thing you could talk about for like 5 hours straight.

At first..felt a bit fast..but seemingly so comfortable..like we've known each other before or something.

Its so funny how you can look at someone initially one way, but when things start to develop into something more, you see through different eyes. I've got tunnel vision at the moment-i can only see him..awwws!

He is..amazing. Its been like 2 days now. But I know he's something way more than special.

We've even done the meet the parents thing..and me and his sister get along so damn well..its going perfectly.

Yay something going right!

I miss my Boat Boy.


In other outrageous news:
Dentist Boy decided to message me today re: catching up..shut him down with a text back stating I have a boyfriend..!
Reply:
Oh cool.. Hope things go well.

Sure you do buddy.

Lol. =)




What I've just realised though-is this blog over? This blog was supposed to be about my single exploits on the path to finding love..I think I may have found it..so what do I chat shit about now? My mice? Lol.


Or maybe..this could turn into a wedding blog.


Or maybe im getting just a little ahead of myself..hehe.


Thanks College Boy for your words of wisdom.. Much appreciated ^_^

There's a new man in town..

And not the icky man on the train who's half full and mumbling aimlessly..or the other man who has an afro growing out of his ears..

Hehe.

Its a case of a friend of a friend.. This friend being Lainie, and her school friend, let's name him "Boat Boy"

Boat Boy I do have to say is sweet. Lovely.
Not my type WHATSOEVER..
But I considered the possibility of something going further after spending the day with him on his boat.

But..

I think there might me an underlying issue.
What I've picked up is that he might not be over his ex.. Or that he is desperately looking for someone to get him over that hurdle.

Apparently..he has like Lainie..and she still thinks he likes her to this day..but also he was trying hard with one of his sisters friends who was on the boat too.

It seems to me that he could just be latching on to a hope and any girl he comes into contact with.. That one girl out of any will pick him.

So im kinda keepin the guard up. I know he does have every intention of wanting a girlfriend. At least that's one box checked. But what's the agenda?

Anyways, he texted me for the first time last night after "begging" for my number off Lainie. Then he asked my permission for him to call me..lol..god love him. And he actually called me like he said he would and when he said he would (another box that can be checked) and we chatted for 40 mins..just general chit chat, but no awkward silences. I think that's not too much of a bad thing.

So we'll see.


Other boy exclusives:
Footy Boy messaged me asking how my day was few days back now, still says we should catch up, yet no date actually stated.

Ute Boy has finally revealed that he was seeing another girl..but doesn't really like the one girl thing..and asked me if I would be cool about it if we got dinner.
UM NO.
He was surprised.
I am so proud of myself. D* back in the day would of so lovingly obliged. Too bad fucker! Haha.

And I told Bus Boy I was seeing someone (totally not true) but it has got him off my back..for now.

And Dentist Boy. No word. No surprises there..and no missing him either. =D

Positive things for a Wednesday morning:

* The weather is amazing..already warm and sunny. The shade is cool, the sun is hot. Perfect summertime weather.
(Not positive: that I am on my way to work instead of being on my way to the beach.)

* I finish at 3pm today, instead of 5. Oh the wonders of a 38 hour week instead of a 40 hr week. How I miss the extra 2 hours pay, but how I love the free (well not really free for me) 2 hours I have gained. Niiiice.

* The weekend is only 2 more days away! Yesss! I get my Musk Lorikeet on Saturday (cannot wait to see my Puffin Boo!) and I'm also going wakeboarding/tubing..as well as looking at all the Christmas lights in the area I live in. And only 4 more days left of working for the year of 2oo8!

* It's Christmas in exactly one week. And I've done all of my shopping pretty much. Woo hoo! Looking so forward to an Aussie Christmas lunch! My ideal food day is Christmas Day. Yum!


And that's all I can think of right now..just wanted to waste away some time at the station before my train came for work.. Now its here.. Think D, 3pm 3pm 3pm.. You can do it!

Guess what

Dentist boy texted me.

But so did Footy Boy

And Ute Boy

And random Bus Boy

My past is coming back to haunt me. And at a time I'm feeling like I'm in control and over men.

Figures.

Stay tuned..

Footy Boy wants to take me out for dinner. Hasn't made a date.

Ute Boy is staying mysterious.. still playing mind games.

Bus Boy is begging for drinks.. and for me to give him my real mobile number.. Lol...!

Dentist Boy is house sitting and wants to catch up next week.

Yeah, we'll see.

Putting together my 2oo9 Resolutions..

I bought an amazing 2oo9 Diary from Borders (I LOVE Borders and I am a fanatic with diaries and pens and cool stationary) and am feeling the pressure to get my shit together for the New Year..

My list so far..

* STOP EATING CRAP - CUT THE JUNK OUT

* Bring your lunch everyday instead of buying the junk that I'm supposedly trying to cut out.

* EXERCISE every FRICKIN morning and night.. Even if it's just a little bit, find the time..!

* Drink more than 8 glasses of water. Vitamin Water does not count love.

* Be (even more) organised.

* Pay the bills on time. I'm Miss Independent, remember?

* SAVE SAVE SAVE . No more manic spending.

* Pay off the credit card. Within like 4 months. SO ACHIEVABLE!!!!

* B U D G E T every week. B U D G E T every week for every month for every year for the rest of my life because I am so frickin hopeless with the moola when I don't.

* MOVE OUT DEADLINE: June o9

* Go for my drivers license..Cannot stay a learner forever. Even my little baby sister has her P's. And she's 6 years younger. And with the extra cockiness, go for a boating license too.

* Make alot more time for the fams, especially Nanna. Appreciate the moments.

* Maintain great relationships.. Throw out the shit ones. Not worth the heartache. No guy is worth going through hell and back for if he can't do it for me.

* Appreciate time by myself, and appreciate time being single. Appreciate the times having fun whilst single.

* Get into PA'ing. Do Business Administration Cert IX. I CAN SO DO THIS..!!

* Stay the fuck away from sharps. No more sharps injuries at work. Not happening.

* Jump at any chance to do more travelling.

Yeah bit of a list and I'm sure I will be adding to it.

Comment me if you have some ideas =D

P.S : Footy Boy contacted me last night.Says he misses me. Hrm.

I didn't do it

I didn't call.

Are you proud of my strength?

.

I just miss him so much. Why? Cos I just do.  

Cannot resist

..the temptation to contact Dentist Boy.




I went through my mobile bill in a frenzy last night trying to find his number.


I found it.




Tick tock..tick tock


Mind is working overtime.


Might save for a drunk dial Saturday night [work xmas party]


Can I even wait that long..?



Yes I know, im being incredibly foolish.

Here's a few things

What'​s a fact about​ the perso​n you fell harde​st for?
He has a sexy ute.


Did the last perso​n you kiss have tatto​os,​​ if so what?​​
No he didn't.. because he's a stupid whiny baby. Lol.. it makes me feel better alright..!


Have you ever been in a perfe​ct relat​ionsh​ip?​​
I think I was but took it very for granted hence my position here and now.

How did you get your last bruis​e?​​

Walked into a computer chair.


When is the last time you cried​?​​
I think last week.


What was the last movie​ you watch​ed?​​
American Gangster.

Do you hate anyon​e?​​
Just dislike.


Have you ever liked​ someo​ne older​ than you?

Yes.. I'm not sure if it works for me though.

When was the last time you were extre​mely disap​point​ed?​​
Monday. And slightly Tuesday.

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
priva​te numbe​r


Is there​ a perso​n of the oppos​ite sex that means​ a lot to you?
I really dig Dentist Boy.. but oh well.


Who'​​s in your profi​le pictu​re with you?
No one


Do you like Red Bull?​​
Like it better than [V]

What are you doing​ tomor​row?​​

Working.. boo..

Ever broke​n a bone?​​
I have a stress fracture on my right ankle but I've been smart enough to avoid things like breaking bones.


Last time you had pizza​?​​
At Lainie's! MMM Homemade.

Is there​ somet​hing you need to tell someo​ne?​​
"You're what the kids would call a slut."

Lol.. Aussie t.v show thing..!


How many days until​ your next birth​day?​​
Like 8 months. Not working the day count out.

What are your initi​als?​​

D M H .

What have you eaten​ today​?​​
Brekkie: Coco Pops, I slice raisin toast, 1 sml banana mm

Lunch: McDippers mm

Dinner: Hot chips and tomato sauce bahah.. So healthy.


Is your hair natur​ally curly​ or strai​ght?​​
Curly..! love it.


Who was the last perso​n you took a pictu​re with?​​
Lainie..!


Who was the first​ perso​n you talke​d to today​?​​
Probably my boss.

Are you curre​ntly sad about​ anyth​ing?​​
Disappointed

Do you put your subje​ct befor​e you type the bulle​tin or after​?​​

Before

Are you tired​?​​
Yes. And confused.

What does your last messa​ge in your inbox​ say?
Bogan Xmas Play lmfao

What colou​r is the shirt​ you are weari​ng?​​
Cream

Where​ were you at noon yeste​rday?​​
Meeting up with Doolie

Would​ you hug the last perso​n you hugge​d again​?​​
Of course Doolie's my girl..!

Can you braid​ hair?​​
No, I'm pretty unco at hair things.

Do you have trust​ issue​s?​​
Probably

Name somet​hing you have in commo​n with all of your sibli​ngs?​​
Brown hair.


Who is the last perso​n who wrote​ a lette​r to you on paper​?​​

A girl I work with.


Who was the last perso​n you watch​ed a movie​ with?​​
My mother. 


Do you prefe​r regul​ar or choco​late milk?​​

Both?

Do you have a tramp​oline​ at your house​?​​
No, tramps don't do it for me. 


Have you ever taken​ medic​ation​s that were presc​ribed​ to someo​ne else?​​
No.

Do you dance​?​​
Love love love to dance.


Name somet​hing that made you frown​ today​?​​
Not talking to the cute guy in the lift.. doh..!

Do you find the oppos​ite sex confu​sing?​​
Um..     YES!


Why did you last laugh​ reall​y hard?​​
When a lovely lady I work with told me about a prank call she made. So funny.. Had to be there.


Are you proud​ of the perso​n you'​​ve becom​e?​​
Yes. But things have still gotta change.


Does anyon​e call you babe/​​ baby?​​
Did so.


What'​​s wrong​ with you right​ now?
Unhealthy... Cannot decide on what I should do for the future.. Trying to decide on my New Years Resolutions.. Getting frustrated..!

Does anyon​e think​ you are a bitch​?​​

Dentist Boy.. lol

Who do you tell EVERY​THING​ to?
Doolie..!


Is there​ anyon​e you want to come see you?
Dentist Boy unfortunately.. I know I know...


What was the last reaso​n why you were mad?
Cos boys are stupid.


What are you excit​ed about​?​​
Holiday celebrations..!

The last perso​n you share​d a bed with mean anyth​ing to you?
Not anymore.


Name a perso​n that you insta​ntly smile​ when you see they'​​re calli​ng?​​
Ice Magic

Is your curre​nt relat​ionsh​ip statu​s simpl​e or compl​icate​d?​​
Simple. Single. Right now not loving it but will this weekend =D

What are you liste​ning to?
Telly.. ads

What'​​s your deskt​op backg​round​?​​
A quote..

"I am nowhere near perfect

I eat when I'm bored

I fall for boys easily

I'm vulnerable to believing lies

I'm hoping one day I wont need to fake a smile.

I live by quotes that explain exactely what I'm going through

I make excuses for everything

I have best friends and enemies

I have drama and memories

(And that's life)

Live it..Love it.. Learn from it.

How many peopl​e are you texti​ng?​​
None atm


What'​​ s the reaso​n behin​d your myspa​ce displ​ay name?​​
D From the Block.. Old nickname..


Do you have a frien​d you can tell stuff​ to and you'​​re sure they won'​​t tell?​​
Yeah.. :)


How many lette​rs are in your last name?​​
4

Do you clean​ when you’r​e upset​?​​
Lol not at all.


Do you know anyon​e who is pregn​ant?​​

Yes there's alot.

Can you make brown​ies witho​ut havin​g to look at the direc​tions​?​​
I can't cook.. lol


How have you felt today​?​​
Happy and also pooey. I want Friday.

Do you read the newsp​aper?​​
Occasionally


Have you ever kisse​d any of your top frien​ds?​​
Lol probably..! Tequila does that..


Are you liste​ning to music​ right now?

Just telly.

If so, what?​​
Bold and the Beautiful.. Juicy..!

What TV show shoul​d never​ stop getti​ng produ​ced?​​
The Hills.

Will and Grace
!

What shoes​ did you wear today​?​​
Brown Havianas.. Nike sneakers.


Do you chang​e your look a lot?
Sometimes.


Who was the last male/​​males​ you talke​d to?
Probably dentist at work.


If one of your frien​ds calle​d you at 3am to come get them would​ you?

I would..but I don't drive.. so boo.


Is there​ somet​hing you regre​t and wish you could​ take back?​​
Welcome to my life..


What time will you be getti​ng up tomor​row morni​ng?​
6am .​.. yay..

Aren't I just a ball of happiness today.. Haha.​

It's over now..

I did it. I ended things with Dentist Boy. Due to asking me why he should call me and why I couldn't surprise him with a call really pressed the wrong buttons.

So its all been said, but I don't think he gets it entirely. There was no normal reaction to the "don't think we should see each other anymore" text. Just told me to enjoy my day. Nothing more.

Then he decided to Facebook chat me to tell me that "you gotta chill out"

That really urks me because if its anyone that needs to chill out its him! Then we started chatting as if nothing ever happened. Which is confusing? But towards the end of the conversation he brought up (in an apparent joking way) that im not a nice girl. I replied that I was nice, just not to people who annoy me! And so he asks:

"do I annoy you?"

"Sometimes"

*Pause pause*

(Me) "Because you can be so demanding at times and its really confusing.."

No reply.


Hrm.

Number deleted.

"I've lost my way..

It's hard to find it through

I see the night but I've lost all sight of you"

Deleted Dentist Boy's number. Gone. 

Although things haven't actually formally been called off.. it feels

 as though it's over. No replies to texts, no calls..nada.

It's been me initiating texts these days, and I've been so adamant to myself and my needs that I wish to be chased.. not the one chasing. I've had enough.

And although it hurts, I think it's probably for the best.. I'm not gonna waste my feelings on this person. It doesn't seem like he's wasting any feelings on me.

But I know when I get to this strong point he will probably do a turn around and be good (it's normally that way when I give up in these situations) so I guess we will just have to see what happens.. Grr.

You know how much I hate that shit. Lol.

P.S My mouse looks so sick...I don't want her to die :(

Falling apart..but maybe into place.

Right now I have so many things going on.. Things beginning, things coming to a standstill, and things ending.

Im so unsure where to go at this point. Friendships are failing; others are strengthening. (Is that a word?) My friendship with "Selfish Snob" has been sorted out, only after a few agressive phone calls..im glad I can hold onto our friendship..but I have come to the realisation how truly different we have become.. And how im not really a fan of these changes. Its different. And its a shame. I've rekindled a lost friendship with an old friend whom I'll call "Lainie"..who I actually met via "Selfish Snob" and got along with famously due to our dry humour, bossiness and vain. We're going through the same things at the moment, so I think we'll do each other a world of good. And company for Field Day and Good Vibrations.

My relationship with Dentist boy is at a standstill..maybe in my head...maybe in reality. We had another fight after the one I originally blogged about which lead me to think that I deserved better. I ended up defending myself and now having done so has made the boy drop back a bit I think. Being treated like shit and taking it is one thing, but being spoken to like crap, defending myself and not taking it, then being being treated like this is another. I don't blame the boy; I called him a whiny selfish baby in pretty much those words, told him if I wanted a child to look after I'd go get myself pregnant..um yeah I know pretty tactless.. But he expects me to drop every thing for him even when he's already told me he's too busy..that's not fair. And after our chat we went back to our normally silly selves again, kisses, cuddles, hand holding. It felt stronger at that point. I was happy. And then.. A change. No messages..no calls..no x's on the end of the few messages I have received (yes, text interpretation is a dangerous thing) and now..I feel like its either playing dormant or close to the finish line.. And it doesn't feel good.

Im crying out for some stability! It could just be my raging PMS though.. hoping for a clearer mind next week..and some text messages from the boy with x's on the end..


P.S I'l regale you about Melbourne later.

M.I.A

Yes kids, have been missing in action.. I'm so buggered (is it possible you can get jet lag from an hour and a half flight?) (or maybe it's because I didn't go to bed till late??) and have so much to bitch about, and so much stuff to catch up on. I haven't even collected my award from the delish JD.. sorry babe..! I'll get there soon..!

I will be home earlier tomorrow, promise, and will type and type till I get the lazies.

Bahhhh *yawnn*

Watch out, Melbourne! She's all jacked up on RedBull..!

I am officially on my way to the airport as we speak. Well..read? Anyways, have had the worst morning, I've lost the keys to my luggage locks (lucky I had not locked my suitcase back up again!) so I need to buy some keys at the airport. The ticket man wasn't in his booth at the station so had to use the ticket vending machine, which by chance doesn't want to take 50 dollar notes, so had to go on a hunt to get change. Got some, after I pleaded and bought a RedBull. Ticket to Mascot Domestic: 16 bucks. Dropped my suitcase..quite loudly, to have every single person on the train station stare at me. I think they were thinking that I'm not a lovely morning person, after cussing "fuck!" as it hit the floor. Timberrrrr.. *BANG* I think it woke me up actually. Now I have RedBull running through my veins and I don't know if its a good thing yet. Lol.

It all starts now..! Only 25 more minutes to go and Im at the airport.. And on a plane in 1 hr. Eeeeepp!!

This is how I feel..

- ANGRY..!

- Upset

- Guilted

- Confused

- Sad

- W o r r i e d

- Lost.

Why??

Because I had another shitty little fight with the Dentist Boy (aka whiny baby) (lol)  Re: me seeing him this afternoon, even though he initially said he was busy and only decided to hang out after I told him I had bought him a present.. I was really lazy, I had a massive tote bag plus my handbag, and he had asked me to wait 40 minutes and then catch a train (which is away from where I was in the first place), then catch a bus, and train home. He didnt make a fuss when I said no, to only message me a few minutes later to say:

"I seriously can not believe you couldn't wait"

So I got off the train I was on, and called, told him I would get on the next train up to him, as I didn't know it was that big of a deal to him, only to have him tell me not to bother as he is now busy, in a real snide tone. I couldn't believe it. Then he started going off on me about how i fucked him up last night.. Because my mothers rules are my fault..!! GRRRR..!!!

Then the phone call promptly ended, followed by feelings of guilt. As well as feelings of "HOW THE FUCK DARE HE..!" Normally, I never leave a fight unresolved, so I called him back.. No answer. Again.. No answer. I sent a text. "Call me back..please?"

I get this text: Me and Dad are just in between something.. Just text me what's up?

So i write this whole message, that I'm sorry. I never would intentionally fuck him up rah rah

And I get back

"Yea sweet, have a great time in melbourne then, if you wanted to see me you would've waited"

GRRRR

That was the last straw abit hey. I brought up how he still would've seen me regardless of what happened last night, and he was like "yeah not talking about last night" GRR

Then, I just did it. I replied back:

Look, do you want to know me after the weekend or not? What's it gonna be? I've said I'm sorry.

No reply

Hour later

No reply

So I texted

"Should I take that as a NO darling?"

No reply. 

Hrmm.. 

Breaking News

  Dentist Boy                  1

  Mummy Dearest                0

Everything between Dentist Boy and I are A-OK. I explained the situation over a call, and he understood. He didn't realise the context of his texts were a whole lot different to what he meant, and that he definitely didn't want to stop talking to me. He just thought I would have no time for the diddums.. Aw..

But as for Mummy Dearest, no words have been spoken this morning.. just evil "get out of my way" glares (on my behalf.)

Plan A: Move out in January

Plan B: Move out in February

Plan C: Move out in March

Plan Z: Move out in January.

Grrrrr

I am so pissed off/upset right now.

I was supposed to be seeing Dentist Boy but can't as my cow of a mother doesn't want him over. I don't understand how i can pay so much rent but have no entitlements to my own space. 

So I tell the boy and he goes all funny.. Like upset, because he's not going to see me, and then goes all "Yeah talk to you next week have fun" on me. And now I'm upset because none of this is my frickin fault..! I wanted to see him too..! 

But then i'm like, hang on; this guy is being a little immature. I get that it's a last minute thing that i've just turned him down.. but we talk every damn day, so why is he acting all strange..?

WHY CAN'T ANYTHING GO FUCKING RIGHT FOR ME. THIS IS REALLY SHITTING ME..!!

And my poor mouse Minnie is sick. And I've just kinda had a run in with an old school friend.. I'm so over this shit happening. Happy moments please?

I know I give you a hard time..

Dear (very cute) Dentist Boy:

I have to admit; I've been giving you a hard time about the whole relationship business.

You see, It's been along time since I've done the relationship thing. The dating politics of my heyday have since changed, and I really don't know how it all works.. I thought that boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl now boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, I know it still works like that, but the timeframes on these are yet to be classified.

But anyways, I had a very good chat with my very good friend Doolie. She offered some kind words to me re: Saggitarians. Now, you both are Saggies and she explained to me how your kind works.

It seems your type don't really like to settle down, unless they are truly happy to. And from what you've told me, even though it has been all positive, it has not entered into my ears and come out positively. Doolie re-iterated to me what you're actually saying - that they are very good things especially for a Saggie to be saying. On approaching the time topic, she believes I should just play by your rules; give you the time that you need. She believes that this will be quite benefiting to moi. 

So guess what. I'm going to give you that time and space. I'm not going to worry about how time is progressing ahead of me. I'm going to go with the flow..and I'm going to go along for the ride with you.

Mwah.

P.S - You are a fab kisser. 

Can I just say

That

I

Really

HATE

Mondays..!!

Grr..!!

Upside down..

Boy you turn me

Inside out

And

Round and round

So after seeing this guy for 4 days in a row and then going without for 3 days..I'm having withdrawals.. 

I miss him.. I miss the way he stares at me. I miss.. pretty much everything. Everything that you could possibly miss in a person you've only known for a week.. lol.

I'm wondering what he's doing.. if he's thinking of me. It's his birthday today.. I've already sent him a birthday text. I kinda wish I could've seen him.

I get to give him 20 birthday kisses next time I see him. I think I can deal with that.. ^-^

I'd love to know where this is going to go. Just a sneak peek would be much appreciated. So I could know in advance how to compose myself if anything was to happen.. 

Like Marilyn once said..
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left..."

I'd like to know if I should get into that mind frame anytime soon..just for my own well being.

I know..I'm being a worrybear.. haha.

Taggity Tag..!

JD tagged me on her lovely blog..!

So it's my turn to be taggity tagged and tag on..!

Here’s the rules for this tagyoureitgame:

1) Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3) At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.
4) If you have already been tagged and do not wish to go through the exercise then let the taggee know.

Here are my 8 randomish/habitish facts:

1) I am a Leo..But, being born closer to the cusp of Leo/Virgo, I have crazy crazy Virgo tendencies..!! I am so loud and over-bearing with the whole Leo side.. but so careful and cautious and emotional like the Virgos..! But I have to say, I'm glad that I'm emo over being super mean and inconsiderate..bloody Leo's.. ;)

2) I live with my mother. My father left her before I was even born to marry a woman who is now my kinda-step mother and I have two beautiful half-sisters.. They divorced.. because he cheated on her too. So I  think I have massive trust issues because of him. He has his days; sometimes I love him so much for just being related to him.. But most days, cannot stand him, he is selfish and living in his own reality.. A reality I do not wish to be in with him. Being the eldest, I find it easier to disconnect from him..My youngest sister (I and my middle sister class her as "The Favourite") finds it hard to talk bad against him.. Even when he is being a complete ass to her.. And my middle sister was completely shunned by him.. So I don't blame her on how she feels, I'm glad we can relate the same when it comes to him.

3) I only did Visual Arts, Photography and Ceramics in my last years of high school, as I had no idea what I wanted to do when I left. And I couldn't get into University as those courses did not offer a UAI (a grading for uni entry).. But I wish I could go back sometimes and do it differently.

But.. I wouldn't be here in this situation..And I wouldn't be answering 8 random facts :)

4) I think I have OCD.. When I leave a room, I have to make sure all drawers and cupboards are closed.. It urks me all day..! And If I start writing, If I'm unhappy with my writing, I will rip the pages out until I am 100% satisfied with the neatness.. lol..! And when I had my desk at old job, everything had to be lined up symmetrically and neatly and everything was in categories... Lol. Eeek??

5) My favourite animals are: Flamingoes, Sloths, Felines and Chameleons. I do have a habit of liking the ugly animals as I feel sorry for them.. Koalas are frigging ugly..!!

6) I smell everything before I eat it. I don't know why.  It's like a heads up.. Lol..!

7) I take alot of things personally..and to heart. I wish I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve. And I wish I never only looked at my side and how I feel and forget about the other side like it means nothing. I only ever wish to hear what I want to hear. Bad habits.

8) I cannot live without my mobile. I think I would combust if I lost it/got stolen/broken.. Sad..!

Yeah, A little bit personal, but it's me..   *_*

So I tag:

* TIFFS

* KENDALL

* SCOMAN

* MICH

* ELISSA

* COLLEGE BOY

Have fun didums.. =)

Why do I do this to myself..?

I'm freaking myself out again about this new little "Relationship" I have going..

Today is the first day we haven't seen each other. 

He's busy this weekend.. 

So I'm wondering how much he will actually be in touch with me.. this could be a real test.

I hate being this way.

I just want to relax and go with the flow and all I ever think about is consequences and the future..

When will I get over this stage..? 

Will I ever ease up?

I just hope I get to see him next week... 

He knows I'm off to Melbourne on Friday and that I want to see him before then. 

We'll see.

Gosh I hate boys. They give me so many reasons to doubt them..! And my "boy" has not even done anything wrong. 

Urk.. I hate that I cant even call him "my boy.."

P.s.. this was not meant to offend any of my favourite guy bloggers.. Let's just re-phrase:
Gosh I hate boys. Well the boys that have screwed it up for me in the past to trust the boys for the future. I have been given so many reasons to doubt them..! And my "boy" has not even done anything wrong.

Can you say "Loved up?"

Ah... 

I really have no words to say; I'm speechless for the first time..

I've seen the boy 4 days in a row now and we did some clarifying yesterday on what was going on between us. Taking it slow, and will move into a status later. I think I can handle that.

And he has Chihuahuas..! I've been won over..! Haha.

He is just fabulous. Those are my chosen last words. 

^_^

Is in love..

Oh my goodness. 

In the past 24 hours, I've managed to pick up a patient, go on a date, and decide he just might be the love of my life.. for the moment anyways..

So, I've had the "ethical" lecture about the "ethics" of being a healthcare professional.. At first I was all scared and stuff.. But after speaking to another D.A she has informed me that it is totally cool to pass numbers on/recieve numbers to/from patients. As long as you're not a doctor or dentist. So I'm sweet.

And very happy. I feel floaty at this moment.. It's been a verrryyy long time since I have felt this way. 

It's his 20th birthday this weekend.. Ok so I have managed to wrangle up a toyboy for myself as well.. but he is amazing. Maybe I'm just being blinded.. but it feels good? Lol. 

He has this crazy intense stare that I cannot get out of my brain.. mmmm...

I have a good feeling about this one.. Pray for me that this one goes somewhere and not somewhere down the drain..!

Can I just say

That I'm so effing excited..!!!!

Cannot wait to spill the goss.. 

Stay tuned, I promise this will be way worth the wait..!

P.s : Read the tags for this post.. might give an insight..

P.P.S: I am so effing excited..!

Little Miss Random

I have some MASSIVE juice. But you will have to wait until tomorrow..

Trust me, I will have a alot more to tell ;)

Um... I'm coming off drunk.

I'm sobering up.. I've just got home from the Races that I originally was a scrooge about. Had a great drunken time, met a cute guy in the crowd, but he went to wee and I never saw him again =( Then I saw a guy that I used to date that dumped me for another girl. Lots of flirting and all that going on, but he walked away too. Hrmm??

First ever boyfriend was messaging/calling me trying to find out where I was, and by the time I gathered enough reception on my mobile, he had gone over to Rydges (eww) and said he'd call me later. Yeah ok, After an offer to come to my place you'd rather stay at Rydges, I think you are quite "Bros before Hoes." Grr. Men.

Don't stop the rain..

Is it wrong that I'm happy it's raining as an excuse not to go out to the Races today? I woke up this morning not really feeling it, as it was grey and cloudy.. Then the rain started, and I got into a bad frame of mind.. I am a massive hater of rain..! And I feel the cold a lot more than most. 

I have to say though.. As happy as I am that it's raining, I can't help but think if I'm going to be missing a really fun time with my friends. A lot of them are still going.. (Why?? It's freezing and it's on grass?? Good luck with that.)

My mother made a comment this morning..

"No wonder they never invite you out anymore, you always back out."

That kinda hit a sore spot.

I'm just not a "going out in a mini dress whilst pouring rain in stiletto's walking on muddy grass" kinda girl. I'm not being princessy; it's just something I don't find fun. No, I do not want to ruin my satin bow heels. I want to look hott; not like an unhappy drowned rat. But does this make me a scrooge? Does it make me arrogant/conceited? I feel better looking out the window watching the rain, knowing that I would be unhappy piled in with another 1000 or so people in the downstairs section..But am I a bad friend for feeling that way?

Urk..