Forgot to tell you:

American boy just kinda evaporated. He would keep telling me he's busy blah blah. Couldn't come to my birthday. And one night I had some drinks after work and I called him.. (someone take my phone from me when consuming alcoholic beverages) and so anyways we got to talking about meeting up and I got the "Yeah I'm so busy" and I was just so over it..I was like.. "Yeah, I get it. It's cool. Don't think I don't see all your Facebook pictures when you go out every weekend, cos you know, you so busy?" Lol couldn't help myself. It was the truth though! I'm not gonna be his fool..that's just silly.

So I haven't heard much from him since. Just random chats on Facebook.

I don't think I'm at a loss really.

That Twitter guy actually was married and had a child on the way..WTF? As if that's something you don't disclosed to a random female if you had good intentions?

Yeah so no more following Mr Married/Soon to be Father in denial man. Hahaha.

What else did I have to update.. hrm..

Oh so Footy Boy - I completely shooed away. He was up to his same old shit. I told him exactly that. Pretty simple.

I don't think Reese's ever got my number. And he won't due to the falling out with the girlfriend of Clarry (she is a psycho bitch anyways)

It's a good thing. Shire people are trash.

That is all.

Shut down

So I met up with my last ex-boyfriend this morning for brunch..I can't remember what I named him or tagged him under last time but I'll just call him..Capricorn for the moment.

Anyways so Capricorn and I were having a lovely time. It just felt so comfortable and normal and we were reminiscing and I was slightly confused. What was this? Yeah we're friends. And it's nice to reminisce about the nice happy times. But totally getting weird vibes. Then he brought up that he's seeing this chick *sigh* but she's older..and has a kid..and starting talking about how he doesn't think it's working with her blah blah..

So I just blurted out.. "what about giving us another go hey?"

"Uh..no..well..not in the near future"

Lol.. Cut!

Like I get it. Thanks for the bluntness.

I explained to him that I just miss being comfortable with a member of the opposite sex..and he was like yes there there, you'll meet someone someday speech.. just not him right?

I also explained that I think our friendship is pointless..

Lol..

I just can't do relationships with exes. I wish I could!

So it all ended a bit weird. He dropped me home and parked (why?) and he was like "I got a few mins to spare let's just sit."

3o seconds later

I've split. Quick goodbye. He attempted to hug and give me a kiss on the cheek but was not real keen.

I'm not planning to see him for awhile..

Bahaha.

Hopefully his someday speech will come true.

"Life's hard, get a helmet.."

Ahh so I'm doing a whole The Hills marathon..Seasons 1-4. I know I'm not a gorgeous little Hollywood It girl, but the shit is so relatable.

So there was a montage going on at the end of one of the episodes with a song that touched me. 

The words got me thinking. . . 

"..Incompatible, it don't matter though

'cos someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do

You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable

Is already in my life?

Right in front of me

Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold

Who knows how to love you without being told

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end

How do I find the perfect fit

There's enough for everyone

But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold

Who knows how to love you without being told

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory

They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold

Who knows how to love you without being told

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

If there's a soulmate for everyone.."

This song is so damn true.

Where the fuck is my soulmate?

Maybe I already know my soulmate?

Maybe I have no fancy for him at all. It figures.

When I'm looking, I don't find him.

I get told.."Don't look for him, he will come to you"

I stop looking.

I've stopped for months.

He's not here. 

Where is he?

People are so quick to offer there opinions and advice. Of course it's okay for them to talk. They're married..engaged..have a boyfriend. They're not going to be single and alone anytime soon. It's so fucking annoying.

I'm not meaning to come off like all I care about is having a boyfriend. I don't mean to be. But it's something that makes me happy. 

And it's been 3 long years.

And it also makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. I know there isn't anything wrong with me. I feel I've grown so much in these past 3 years of being single and dating. I've done some really fucking stupid things, made so many mistakes..and learnt from them. I've discovered it's not all about me anymore. It's about really putting time and effort in and not taking anything for granted. And all I want to do is take all that knowledge and apply it to somebody special and give them the best of me. There is definitely nothing wrong with that is there?

And what is it with people who think getting married young and wanting to settle is so bad?

I was raised by my grandparents who showed me that love can last forever. To compromise, to give your all. They married at 21-22. It ended when my grandfather passed away. My grandmother had said a few things to me about the hardships of the relationship. But she had always always emphasized how important love is. And sacrifice. And all the amazing things that come with it. She told me she had lost her best friend. I want to feel that way about my partner. As if he's my best friend. Someone there through thick and thin. 

But anyways, I'm just really a traditionalist at heart. I love the whole ideal. I want a man to take care of me. Fuck feminism. Hah.

What's wrong with that?

nothing..that's what i thought..