New blog.

Since I'm going in a whole different direction, I thought I'd start a whole new different blog.

If you'd like to check it out and follow I would love that!

en-fleur.tumblr.com

Lots of love. xo

Me & You, Version 5.0.

I've been so lazy and so all over the place since my last blog.

Everything had been on/off with Woobie for quite a while..and things were looking grim..

But after being so strong and stepping away from it all, and letting ourselves breathe and reflect, we are together. And I am very much in love. We still have our little issues, and sometimes things are far from perfect..but every other time it is.. perfect. And I'm loving his companionship and friendship. He makes me happy.

Finally, huh?

Ah romance..

I am so happy.

I really REALLY like this guy.

Really really.

Le sigh.

Back at your door..

So I've managed to somehow slip back into comfortableness and straight back into the arms of my tangled lover. .

He's magnetic to me..I am so drawn to him and cannot-and will not-stay away..everything feels so right when we're together. When there's no issue or dramas, of course..

Everything would be so perfect if he dropped the baggage.. Part of me just wants to shake some sense into him and make him see that things don't have to be like this..that the dramas we have to go through and what we punish ourselves with can be avoided if he just hardens up and sorts it out..It's easier said than done of course....and one can only make these changes if one is prepared to do so..

But is he prepared to lose me if he isn't willing to make these changes?

And am I prepared to lose him?

I don't think I am..

Sigh.

So I take that back..

I'm back to being single. Again.

I would love to say that's a world record for me but it's already been done-the record was 4 days. Pat on the back to me.

So I still can't really explain the delicious mess that I shared with Woobie, but just know this. That it was deliciously messy. And I'm still head over heels. Though of course it is fading.. I'm slightly on standby in a way (by choice, you'll understand when I finally explain myself) and I'm just kind of at a standstill. Also by choice.

I would love to say that I'm in love with him. Some part of me is I think. A tiny tiny bit. I can't let go. I don't wish to let go. Everything has been amicable, there's no one to blame. That's what's so hard. Usually when a relationship ends, it's because it's "broken," and someone's usually hateful or upset...it's easier to make the cut when you want them dead. Pretty much.

But this is different. Of course it is.. We're still friends. He needs time to realise what he wants and needs time to get back on his feet and just be happy in his own skin. I understand. But at the same time I wish I could be selfish and and change everything myself.. I want him and want to be with him now, and not in a week or a month or a year.

And I also don't want anyone else. It's like I have blinkers on. I'm only seeing him. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Le sigh. I just want everything to work out.

Anyways, something this weekend has brought to my attention: Nice Boys.

Why oh why do the good girls always want the bad boys?!

We always whinge about the bad boys, get hurt by the bad boys, cry about the bad boys. Yet when we have a nice boy, we are not even considering him. We aren't attracted. We look straight through them. What is it with that?!

I know a nice boy who could give me everything that I could ever want and need. We'll call him..Clipper. He's so sweet and caring. A gentleman who opens the door for me. Fun loving and silly. Deep and mysterious.

But I've put him in the "I think of you as like my brother..and I don't even have a brother" File.

I kinda hate myself for that.

I shouldn't.

It's always the way right?

Marital Status : In a relationship

Yes. Yes I know. Very exciting news.

It's disgustingly overwhelmingly complicated but I am so overjoyed and happy and thankful and embracing it all, which totally rules out the complications.

You know how those couples say "When you just know, you just know."

I think I can say that now.

Lesson #493 - No dating men under 24.

Ok so.. I have been MIA lately-(sorry..I have a FABULOUS reason but it's a lil hush hush atm..)-and thought it best to fill my lovely readers in on what the g-o is.

Well simply, not seeing that young boy anymore. He disappeared after I left the state to celebrate NYE-no texts-no calls-just evaporated. That weekend we spent together actually wasn't that good. He started whinging about my walking pace. That's when the extra red flags were flying. Why would you whinge about that..?

Anyways, getting off the subject, we did end up having a discussion about it all, starting with the smoking issue that went straight into the whole "distance" dilemma and "girlfriend/boyfriend label" perplexity. The discussion never really came to an ending. And I noticed straight away the differences. Ok so I know these are stupid, and I know that it's just texting..but I knew something was up when he dropped the xoxo's off and was only writing a few words here and there. It only made me want to get out of the state more as not to have to deal with it. Which is when he disappeared. Some part of me feels like I was kind of "asking" for it.. I made a comment to my friend that went something like.."I wish he would just disappear, it makes it easier to get over it..because you hate them.."

There is truth in that logic and we all know that.

So anyways, a few days after NYE I was out at a pub having some drinks and meeting lovely cute boys, when I felt a drunken urge to know what was happening with ToyBoy.

The text-

"Would like to know what's going on."

The reply-

"Yeah sorry Ive been a bit loose lately"

Oh ok, that's fine. That makes your MIA-ness totally excusable. I'm glad you were having a great time drunk and on drugs and not even thinking about fabulous me.

My reply-

Ok no worries. Look. I think it's best if we stop seeing each other. I'm quite disappointed that you haven't even bothered to text me. I understand you're at parties and festivals, and that's cool. I want you to do your own thing."

I thought that was good. I still said my piece but made it classy. Of course I got no reply to that.

But I did get some answers on Facebook chat when I foolishly decided to say hi. Pretty much the conversation went exactly where I wanted it to, and he said that ending it was worth it because "If you are going to get upset at little things like that (that being disappearing for days) then it's not worth it."

Well fine. Please do fuck off you child.

So that made it a lot easier to get out of my head. How considerate of him.

Anyways, so a whole bunch of stuff has been happening.

Which is top secret.

I promise you'll be the first ones to know. Just know that I'm content. For the moment.

Kisses.