Lesson #493 - No dating men under 24.

Ok so.. I have been MIA lately-(sorry..I have a FABULOUS reason but it's a lil hush hush atm..)-and thought it best to fill my lovely readers in on what the g-o is.

Well simply, not seeing that young boy anymore. He disappeared after I left the state to celebrate NYE-no texts-no calls-just evaporated. That weekend we spent together actually wasn't that good. He started whinging about my walking pace. That's when the extra red flags were flying. Why would you whinge about that..?

Anyways, getting off the subject, we did end up having a discussion about it all, starting with the smoking issue that went straight into the whole "distance" dilemma and "girlfriend/boyfriend label" perplexity. The discussion never really came to an ending. And I noticed straight away the differences. Ok so I know these are stupid, and I know that it's just texting..but I knew something was up when he dropped the xoxo's off and was only writing a few words here and there. It only made me want to get out of the state more as not to have to deal with it. Which is when he disappeared. Some part of me feels like I was kind of "asking" for it.. I made a comment to my friend that went something like.."I wish he would just disappear, it makes it easier to get over it..because you hate them.."

There is truth in that logic and we all know that.

So anyways, a few days after NYE I was out at a pub having some drinks and meeting lovely cute boys, when I felt a drunken urge to know what was happening with ToyBoy.

The text-

"Would like to know what's going on."

The reply-

"Yeah sorry Ive been a bit loose lately"

Oh ok, that's fine. That makes your MIA-ness totally excusable. I'm glad you were having a great time drunk and on drugs and not even thinking about fabulous me.

My reply-

Ok no worries. Look. I think it's best if we stop seeing each other. I'm quite disappointed that you haven't even bothered to text me. I understand you're at parties and festivals, and that's cool. I want you to do your own thing."

I thought that was good. I still said my piece but made it classy. Of course I got no reply to that.

But I did get some answers on Facebook chat when I foolishly decided to say hi. Pretty much the conversation went exactly where I wanted it to, and he said that ending it was worth it because "If you are going to get upset at little things like that (that being disappearing for days) then it's not worth it."

Well fine. Please do fuck off you child.

So that made it a lot easier to get out of my head. How considerate of him.

Anyways, so a whole bunch of stuff has been happening.

Which is top secret.

I promise you'll be the first ones to know. Just know that I'm content. For the moment.

Kisses.

Le sigh..

At 12:25pm today I sighed with great relief. I finally got a text back from the boy, whom we'll call.. Toy Boy.

Toy Boy is my new..toy. That I happen to really really adore We met at the races a month ago and have spoken everyday since. Well except maybe one day, when I refused to text him..I wanted to be chased. And, he texted me at 7am the next day.

And everything has been fabulous, almost too good to be true at times. He calls, he texts. He takes me out. He introduced me to his friends. He tells me about his family and says casually, "you'll see, you'll meet them."

It's like effortless.

When I went away for a mini-break, I thought I'd determine whether we're "exclusive" or what? The worst thing was, I had to ask the question over texting (yes I know..but we were at work and I HAD to know)

He was slightly confused by it all, as the poor darling would. But pretty much said that I could do what I like..which really turned me off. I did not want to hear that. I guess I wanted to hear something along the lines of "You know what sweety? Yes we are. I like you and I want to see how these goes."

So yes I was kinda disappointed. And hurt. And went on a "I don't care" rage for a few days. But it all dawned on me and he has the right to feel that way. He did say he wasn't searching for anyone else. That's a biggie right? That's something! Maybe. I hope.

Anyways so the whole time I was away we texted, we called. There was always some form of contact. And I loved it, I won't lie. I even met heaps of guys and they were cute..but not as cute as him...

So Saturday night was our second date, for some reason it feels like we've been going out forever though. We went out for dinner. The horrible thing is I kept getting this horrible gut feeling that this is not going to work..it was horrible. Sitting there at dinner looking at him and thinking how amazing he is but thinking how I don't think I can handle the age gap and how I don't fit into his life somehow. He was talking about the next 12 months, what he wants to do, and I just felt like I don't fit it. I know it's only been a month but..it feels weird..I know I'm just being silly. I decided to get over it and enjoy the night. So we decided to go to putt-putt, where we were just silly with each other. Randomly making out on the courses. It put my mind at ease.. I floated away on cloud 9...

And he stayed over.. in a moment of vulnerability, I told him how I felt.. that I like him a lot. I felt when he told me he didn't care if I met anyone else that I felt he didn't care. He told me he did care. I told him I don't want to waste time, that I don't want to get hurt. There was instant silence.. but he held me closer and I felt reassured for a moment in time.

Then we woke up together..and even with the morning breath I didn't care. We just laid there dozing randomly and spooning..looking at each other..smiling..laughing.. I made him waffles for breakfast.. It was very cute. He kept thanking me and giving me these huge smiles! It melted my heart. We watched some cricket together and went to the Seafood Markets..it was so coupley. It was awesome. We want to go back with beer and wine and make an afternoon of it with friends. I was so sad when the time was inching closer to him leaving. I instantly missed him.

I hated the feeling.

I never missed the feeling!

So as the night went on we had texted to tell each other we had a great weekend. And stupidly I was expecting a goodnight text because I always get a goodnight text. But there was no text. I put it down to the fact that we had just spent like 24 hours together, that he was with his friends, and he was knackered. The feeling passed.

I woke up this morning secretly hoping I had a text..but I didn't. Which is cool. I texted him very briefly a few hours later. And by a few hours later after I still had not recieved a reply.. Instant wave of disappointment washed over me.. I started replaying over everything in my mind.. had I done something wrong? Said something? Did I come off too strong? It was driving me crazy. I felt sad.. I reached for chocolate! I slumped. I hadn't felt this way in months..I kept asking myself if I was really ready to do this all over again, to get hurt.

And when I finally got that reply I felt so much better. There was even a cute name thrown in there and I got my sanity back.

He's going away this weekend with the boys which makes me slightly apprehensive. I just want him to behave himself and be careful..that's another thing that the age gap makes me.. I feel like I have to look after him or something.. it's crap. I don't want to treat him like that.. I feel horrible when I question things he says and does.. I wish I could stop it.

I'll be so glad when he comes back.

I see him in 2 weeks....Time fly please?

And then New Years will be weird. we're both doing our own things. I possibly will be in another state.. I think maybe just going with it will be the best thing.. I just don't wanna get too attached..

I just want it to be easy..

Why do guys keep giving me reasons to hate them?

Like really. If you say you'll call, call. If you say you'll text, so text. Is it really this hard?

There's a Kanye song that springs to mind..

"Hey hey hey hey.. don't say you will..unless you will..then play you will..I pray you will.."

Urk. Men.

I think I just need a fresh start. A new guy; not an old one. 

Footy boy and I went on a "date" last night.. the chemistry was amazing. It was all very cute. He even texted me 5 minutes after leaving my place to tell me what a fab night he had.. and he had said he would message me..maybe come see me today.. but yeah he didn't, no surprises there! I'm glad I wasn't fooling myself this time around. I am a bit disappointed.. as if you couldn't tell.

He's messaging me now though, only because I initiated. I was feeling restless. I'd rather just do it to get what I want. 

But I never get what I want..

Anyways. I had to vent. Now back to positive-ness. 5 positive things: I am happy that I'm not holding my breath on this one like usual. I'm happy I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, like usual. I am happy that I didn't throw myself at him, like usual. I am happy that I held back, unlike the usual. I am happy that the guards have stayed up. 

They must stay up for this one. He's not wriggling he's way back in again without a fight!

Note to Prince Charming: I am still waiting.

hehe.

Where are the Maltesers?

The last time I had Maltesers was when FS stayed at mine for the weekend.. We both influence each other to eat so much junk food.. We were laying all over each other in my room watching South Park The Movie.. I was feeling like a chocolate hit, and I turned to him and cheekily asked..

"Do you want some Maltesers..?"    ;)

At that point I never knew he enjoyed Maltesers to the extent that I did, so the look on his face was amazing, and watching his eyes light up over Maltesers made me laugh, because no one looks like that over an offer of chocolate besides me..! Lol. I went into the kitchen, and found some 6-odd fun-size Malteser bags and cracked them open into a bowl, and took them into my room.. We ended up throwing some at each other, it made for fun times. But the cutest thing was offering each other the last Malteser.. I gave up his offer and let him have it. It's so corny.. but that shit makes me smile. It stupid things like that that make me think happy when I think of FS. 

It's been a little funny lately.. well I think I've been a little funny lately.. It sounds so dumb..but when I don't get a message or a call I get so cut. I think of all those times I've called him and messaged him and just wish I would get some calls or messages in return.. It makes me think about how into me he really is.. I know for a fact he is not a texter.. But I also know for a fact that he will do it without blinking an eyelid when it's a friend who's texted him.. I confronted him about it (again) on Friday night, after being in a miserable mood all day thinking about how into him I really am, we sorted everything out. I think. I made him well aware that the whole messaging/calling thing IS a need for me, to keep up the communication. I told him that he was making me feel as if he didn't care about what was going on. He assured me that he does care, but he didn't know that he needed to text me all the time, that hearing from me once a day was enough for him..which I get he is one of those guys. When it came to the whole "girlfriend" tag though.. I didn't get told what I wanted to hear, but I guess it was better than being told I

 would never make it to girlfriend status. He told me that he still felt like it is too early for us to dip into something.. He feels that if we were to get into something together, that it would be over quickly, due to the fact that we don't know each other that well, and we haven't known each other for all that long. He doesn't want to do that to me. But he tells me that as everyday goes by, I'm getting closer to the "girlfriend" tag. He can forsee us being together...but later on. He likes how it is with us now. He is 100% exclusive with us. He is extremely happy at this point, and feels taking the time to get to know each other better will make him happier in the long run.

I understand. To a point.

I think it's time I met someone who wanted to take things slow. But at the same time..are these just excuses? Maybe he is trying to drag it out? Or is this in my mind? 

Yesterday he did good he did some texting which I appreciated. But today.. No message as of yet.. 3:13pm.. I know he's at work.. Fair enough.. But he's had enough time to go on Facebook..? Yeah I seriously could be causing the damage here myself but that just annoys me. A texts takes a minute.. Maybe updating your status doesn't take as long.. Maybe he's priorities are in a very different [bad] place. Maybe I'm putting too much on this and he isn't. Maybe I'm getting too carried away.. There's alot of maybe's there. A text takes a minute..! That's all I'm asking for. I don't wanna get mad again over something so dumb. I am being dumb. I promised him I woul

d ease up. I really should.

But if he doesn't call or text me tonight..

Asta La Vista..Baby.

It annoys me.. I just can't stay mad at him. He is always rational. He always make sense and is fair.. why can't he just message me.. lol?!

Anyways what I originally wanted to mumble about was The Hills.. and how much I love it.. And Lauren Conrad.. I have an unhealthy obsession about that girl.. I would love to be like her.. I mean.. be in her position. Have a world of opportunities at my feet. What's she's able to do with her life is exactely what I would love to do.. I would head in the same direction and everything. She is amazing. Sure her show is incredibly scripted and kinda gay sometimes.. but she's used it as a stepping stone. I wish I had a stepping stone. Maybe I have a stepping stone but I can't see it.. or I haven't found it yet..

Breaking News

  Dentist Boy                  1

  Mummy Dearest                0

Everything between Dentist Boy and I are A-OK. I explained the situation over a call, and he understood. He didn't realise the context of his texts were a whole lot different to what he meant, and that he definitely didn't want to stop talking to me. He just thought I would have no time for the diddums.. Aw..

But as for Mummy Dearest, no words have been spoken this morning.. just evil "get out of my way" glares (on my behalf.)

Plan A: Move out in January

Plan B: Move out in February

Plan C: Move out in March

Plan Z: Move out in January.

Can I just say

That I'm so effing excited..!!!!

Cannot wait to spill the goss.. 

Stay tuned, I promise this will be way worth the wait..!

P.s : Read the tags for this post.. might give an insight..

P.P.S: I am so effing excited..!

ok, so it's not that bad..

Pardon my laziness, am just very buggered from work and the mentally challenged boss from hell. And by mentally challenged I mean she is a crazy, manipulative little cow. I will tell all about it tomorrow night whilst waiting for my spray tan to dry.
For now, using my mobile because I can't physically be bothered pulling my Mac out of its pretty pink leather case. And pardon the spelling and the different font as well.

Anyways..
I didn't really "fuck" (pardon my french) up. I think I just went into assumption hyper drive. I do wish to be in the same shithole as College Boy is though-might make decisions a lot easier? Lol.

Me and first-ever boyfriend boy are now talking after a very heated conversation re: the intent of texting every 5 seconds. He thought I was telling him to shove off (I seriously wasn't) but I thought..well..actually I don't know what I thought and that's when I started getting urked about the intent of our "friendship". Its really weird.. Sometimes he plays dumb (well, at least I think he does?) and other times he's just straight up. Im not sure if he's trying to be just friendly or funny or being cryptic. I can't suss it out. My friend (we will call her Doolie) keeps telling me that I've already started the digging of the grave for this little "relationship" and that I need to stop. I can't help it if I like closure.
Closure's fun.

Anyways he keeps up the messaging and keeps asking me when we're going to see each other again yada yada. I think I might just make him suffer a little while. Is that mean?



He he he.