He dumped me.

He's not over the ex.

He's sincerely sorry.

Whatever.

Here's your context!

I'll give you the story.

Lately his ex has been in contact with him - trying to get him to come back to her even though she cheated on him and all this b.s - he insists to Chat Mole (my name for his ex lol) that he is with me now, doesn't want anything to do with her, asks her to stop contacting him etc etc. Yet he has not deleted her number.

It's been bothering me.

On a completely different day (yesterday) we decided to go on a short road trip up the coast. With me driving. I'm only learning to drive; and going up there is like a 2 hour drive, on busy roads and places i've never been before..so I was stressing. And he started stressing me out the moment he walked in the door. I hate being pressured to drive-I know I need hardcore motivation to drive but I really don't like when it's forced upon me, so I was nervous from that moment. Plus it's that time of the month (sorry guys - but it makes more sense telling you) so I'm a little antsy, a little emo. Like 40 minutes into our road trip, he started gesturing wildly to the right; there was a far right lane beside me so I assumed he meant to get into that lane and turn right.. As I've done so he creates a ruckus about me getting into that lane, I go into panic mode, swerve back into the lane I had intially been in and I just exploded ! I wasn't screaming at all-I just was very forceful with my words and used alot of F's haha! "WHY THE EF WOULD YOU EFFING POINT TO MY RIGHT WHEN YOU DONT WANT ME TO GET IN THAT LANE, THEN GO OFF AT ME WHEN I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT!!!!!! EF!!!" I didn't mean to lose my cool,I was just so scared with what had just happened and it freaked him out..he went quiet, I loved that he went quiet (lol) and we continued driving. I had had enough after 1 1/2 hours, so he took over, and everything was back to normal. I apologised for going off at him. I thought everything was fine.

So we get out of the car, stroll through Terrigal. It is boiling hot, and I start feeling woozy. He sits me down at some random cafe. I get myself some water. Boat Boy gets me to look at the menu..I'm not hungry. I feel like fruit salad..there's none on the menu. I'm cooling down, but he starts forcing me to try and choose food..I'm not hungry, remember? He gets annoyed. I tell him he can order food, that I'm fine. Tension sparks clearly, especially to the couple over on the table opposite us. I decide I would like a Cheesymite Scroll (A Cheese and Vegimite pastry YUM!!) which can be purchased from across the road. I say I will be back. He stops me. He says he wants to come with me. I say I can go by myself (2 years of singledom does that to you) I explain I don't need him to help me with everything.. Does he think I'm not capable? He says he just wants to go with me. Then he says something about the "yelling" in the car incident. I crack the shits again - I ask him to try and justify the situation, I got stressed out, his notions were misleading, he got stressed out, I got stressed out (again) but still he cannot find a way to justify the whole car incident even after I had sincerely apologised. Then he brings up that maybe I don't want/need a boyfriend. I tell him how I want nothing more to be with him-that it's not what it seems. Cue eye rolls and confused looks. I hand him 5 dollars for his drink, get up and walk away to Bakers Delight. I hear him calling but ignore.. I felt at the time how I didn't want to deal with this..  Have I changed so much into a different "girlfriend?" I used to be annoyingly clingy and dependent - now I'm the complete opposite.

So I walk back from Baker's Delight, to see him waiting for me across the road. I pretend to not see him (why?) and keep walking. He calls my name again, I turn around. I wait for him to catch up. I know he wants to go to the pie shop, so I automatically walk there, and wait. Everything seems to be ok now. 

We sit down with our chosen meals on a wall overlooking the beach - the view is amazing. We're quiet for a little while, then we start small conversation. It goes quiet again. I sit on his lap after he had finished his meal. We cuddle. I feel like everything is going to be alright at this stage. It changes within 2 seconds. He says he isn't happy. That 2008 has been a crappy year, so many things have happened to him, and it's all caught up to him. Says he wants to be with me, but then asks would we stay friends if anything was to happen. My heart has pretty much broken apart by this comment. I know what he's getting at. I reply with a sharp "No" and get off his lap. He makes a fuss about me getting off his lap. Then says how he wishes nothing more than to get in his boat and sail up to Queensland and never come back. REASSURING HUH!

My whole 2 years of singledom/dating life is flashing before my eyes at this point. I've been at this place before, this "I need time to think" place. That is the place they go to and never come back. So I start panicking.. I go into shutdown//detachment mode. I suddenly feel the urge to get as far away from him as possible. Meanwhile, he states he needs a cigarette. He's trying to give up smoking, but he needs one ASAP. We walk to a bottle shop. I wait outside, with nothing but the urge to get away from him. He steps out, I pick up my pace and start walking in the direction to the car. I have my head down at this point. He calls my name again. I stop. "I just wanna go home." He looks at me with these sad eyes, and nods. I walk towards the rocks; it's a dead end. I notice he has moved towards the edge of the rocks and i take this as an opportunity to get away. He notices after a few minutes and is calling out my name loudly. I stop once again. He grabs me and hugs me. He says he doesn't want me to hate him. I stay blank. Tears well up in the corner of my eyes, but I ignore them. We start to walk off. We walk up this crazy hill, me so far ahead in the lead. I don't even ask if he can drive, I open the car up, put my L Plates on, and start driving. He keeps asking if I was ok. I don't reply. I purposely put myself on emotional shutdown.. I don't want to deal with this again! We get to a complicated roundabout, I freak out, but then all the emotions come to a head and I break down just before I need to conquer the roundabout. He tells me to calm down, stop crying, wants me to just get past this round about and he'll take over. I finally pull over when i get a chance. I curl up in the passengers seat and start to cry again. The dating life is still flashing by me. Then I remember: New Years Eve - we were spending it together, with his friends. Now he wants time off.. What am I going to do? Then visions of me spending NYE all by myself starts depressing me so much more. Then I get angry. This is not fair to do this to me! Especially just before NYE. I had already called off going to a music festival just so I could spend New Years Day with him. What the ef was I supposed to do. We drove home in silence. I put my iPod on for extra security. 

We finally get to my place. Still silence. We lay on my bed. I go in for a cuddle but it's like some half assed cuddle. I push myself away. We some how start making out, things start getting a bit ahead of themselves. For a moment, I had forgotten everything that had just happened. Then, he stops. He says he doesn't want it to go any further.. Says he doesn't want this to affect his thinking time. I felt completely rejected as well as recieving a stinging slap in the face as a reminder that he may change his mind completely about us. 

He decides he should leave, and I just lay there, motionless. I let him go. He wants a kiss. A quick peck. No moving. He walks away. I sit and stare at my satin pillows, feeling blank. He thinks I'm crying. I can hear him walking back to my room, saying "Dani don't cry." "I'M NOT CRYING!" I feel like yelling out. I just stay still. he comes back and gives me some half-assed hug, and walks back out again.

I feel better.

I turn on Foxtel (Fox?) and see that Almost Famous is on. I quickly forget everything..yet there is some shadow still lurking behind somewhere. 

He said he would call me in the morning.. that we haven't broken up. 

It's morning.

Umm..?

What does it mean when a boyfriend "needs time to think" ? ? 

Not good.

Merry Christmas :)

Like to wish everyone a VERRYYY Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a wonderful day! And Santa was generous.

Much love.

D*

x

I have an announcement to make..

I
Have
A
Boyfriend!



OMFG!

Its Boat Boy..!


He asked me out at 3am in the morning, after just talking non stop about absolutely every single thing you could talk about for like 5 hours straight.

At first..felt a bit fast..but seemingly so comfortable..like we've known each other before or something.

Its so funny how you can look at someone initially one way, but when things start to develop into something more, you see through different eyes. I've got tunnel vision at the moment-i can only see him..awwws!

He is..amazing. Its been like 2 days now. But I know he's something way more than special.

We've even done the meet the parents thing..and me and his sister get along so damn well..its going perfectly.

Yay something going right!

I miss my Boat Boy.


In other outrageous news:
Dentist Boy decided to message me today re: catching up..shut him down with a text back stating I have a boyfriend..!
Reply:
Oh cool.. Hope things go well.

Sure you do buddy.

Lol. =)




What I've just realised though-is this blog over? This blog was supposed to be about my single exploits on the path to finding love..I think I may have found it..so what do I chat shit about now? My mice? Lol.


Or maybe..this could turn into a wedding blog.


Or maybe im getting just a little ahead of myself..hehe.


Thanks College Boy for your words of wisdom.. Much appreciated ^_^

There's a new man in town..

And not the icky man on the train who's half full and mumbling aimlessly..or the other man who has an afro growing out of his ears..

Hehe.

Its a case of a friend of a friend.. This friend being Lainie, and her school friend, let's name him "Boat Boy"

Boat Boy I do have to say is sweet. Lovely.
Not my type WHATSOEVER..
But I considered the possibility of something going further after spending the day with him on his boat.

But..

I think there might me an underlying issue.
What I've picked up is that he might not be over his ex.. Or that he is desperately looking for someone to get him over that hurdle.

Apparently..he has like Lainie..and she still thinks he likes her to this day..but also he was trying hard with one of his sisters friends who was on the boat too.

It seems to me that he could just be latching on to a hope and any girl he comes into contact with.. That one girl out of any will pick him.

So im kinda keepin the guard up. I know he does have every intention of wanting a girlfriend. At least that's one box checked. But what's the agenda?

Anyways, he texted me for the first time last night after "begging" for my number off Lainie. Then he asked my permission for him to call me..lol..god love him. And he actually called me like he said he would and when he said he would (another box that can be checked) and we chatted for 40 mins..just general chit chat, but no awkward silences. I think that's not too much of a bad thing.

So we'll see.


Other boy exclusives:
Footy Boy messaged me asking how my day was few days back now, still says we should catch up, yet no date actually stated.

Ute Boy has finally revealed that he was seeing another girl..but doesn't really like the one girl thing..and asked me if I would be cool about it if we got dinner.
UM NO.
He was surprised.
I am so proud of myself. D* back in the day would of so lovingly obliged. Too bad fucker! Haha.

And I told Bus Boy I was seeing someone (totally not true) but it has got him off my back..for now.

And Dentist Boy. No word. No surprises there..and no missing him either. =D

Positive things for a Wednesday morning:

* The weather is amazing..already warm and sunny. The shade is cool, the sun is hot. Perfect summertime weather.
(Not positive: that I am on my way to work instead of being on my way to the beach.)

* I finish at 3pm today, instead of 5. Oh the wonders of a 38 hour week instead of a 40 hr week. How I miss the extra 2 hours pay, but how I love the free (well not really free for me) 2 hours I have gained. Niiiice.

* The weekend is only 2 more days away! Yesss! I get my Musk Lorikeet on Saturday (cannot wait to see my Puffin Boo!) and I'm also going wakeboarding/tubing..as well as looking at all the Christmas lights in the area I live in. And only 4 more days left of working for the year of 2oo8!

* It's Christmas in exactly one week. And I've done all of my shopping pretty much. Woo hoo! Looking so forward to an Aussie Christmas lunch! My ideal food day is Christmas Day. Yum!


And that's all I can think of right now..just wanted to waste away some time at the station before my train came for work.. Now its here.. Think D, 3pm 3pm 3pm.. You can do it!

Guess what

Dentist boy texted me.

But so did Footy Boy

And Ute Boy

And random Bus Boy

My past is coming back to haunt me. And at a time I'm feeling like I'm in control and over men.

Figures.

Stay tuned..

Footy Boy wants to take me out for dinner. Hasn't made a date.

Ute Boy is staying mysterious.. still playing mind games.

Bus Boy is begging for drinks.. and for me to give him my real mobile number.. Lol...!

Dentist Boy is house sitting and wants to catch up next week.

Yeah, we'll see.

Putting together my 2oo9 Resolutions..

I bought an amazing 2oo9 Diary from Borders (I LOVE Borders and I am a fanatic with diaries and pens and cool stationary) and am feeling the pressure to get my shit together for the New Year..

My list so far..

* STOP EATING CRAP - CUT THE JUNK OUT

* Bring your lunch everyday instead of buying the junk that I'm supposedly trying to cut out.

* EXERCISE every FRICKIN morning and night.. Even if it's just a little bit, find the time..!

* Drink more than 8 glasses of water. Vitamin Water does not count love.

* Be (even more) organised.

* Pay the bills on time. I'm Miss Independent, remember?

* SAVE SAVE SAVE . No more manic spending.

* Pay off the credit card. Within like 4 months. SO ACHIEVABLE!!!!

* B U D G E T every week. B U D G E T every week for every month for every year for the rest of my life because I am so frickin hopeless with the moola when I don't.

* MOVE OUT DEADLINE: June o9

* Go for my drivers license..Cannot stay a learner forever. Even my little baby sister has her P's. And she's 6 years younger. And with the extra cockiness, go for a boating license too.

* Make alot more time for the fams, especially Nanna. Appreciate the moments.

* Maintain great relationships.. Throw out the shit ones. Not worth the heartache. No guy is worth going through hell and back for if he can't do it for me.

* Appreciate time by myself, and appreciate time being single. Appreciate the times having fun whilst single.

* Get into PA'ing. Do Business Administration Cert IX. I CAN SO DO THIS..!!

* Stay the fuck away from sharps. No more sharps injuries at work. Not happening.

* Jump at any chance to do more travelling.

Yeah bit of a list and I'm sure I will be adding to it.

Comment me if you have some ideas =D

P.S : Footy Boy contacted me last night.Says he misses me. Hrm.

I didn't do it

I didn't call.

Are you proud of my strength?

.

I just miss him so much. Why? Cos I just do.  

Cannot resist

..the temptation to contact Dentist Boy.




I went through my mobile bill in a frenzy last night trying to find his number.


I found it.




Tick tock..tick tock


Mind is working overtime.


Might save for a drunk dial Saturday night [work xmas party]


Can I even wait that long..?



Yes I know, im being incredibly foolish.

Here's a few things

What'​s a fact about​ the perso​n you fell harde​st for?
He has a sexy ute.


Did the last perso​n you kiss have tatto​os,​​ if so what?​​
No he didn't.. because he's a stupid whiny baby. Lol.. it makes me feel better alright..!


Have you ever been in a perfe​ct relat​ionsh​ip?​​
I think I was but took it very for granted hence my position here and now.

How did you get your last bruis​e?​​

Walked into a computer chair.


When is the last time you cried​?​​
I think last week.


What was the last movie​ you watch​ed?​​
American Gangster.

Do you hate anyon​e?​​
Just dislike.


Have you ever liked​ someo​ne older​ than you?

Yes.. I'm not sure if it works for me though.

When was the last time you were extre​mely disap​point​ed?​​
Monday. And slightly Tuesday.

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
priva​te numbe​r


Is there​ a perso​n of the oppos​ite sex that means​ a lot to you?
I really dig Dentist Boy.. but oh well.


Who'​​s in your profi​le pictu​re with you?
No one


Do you like Red Bull?​​
Like it better than [V]

What are you doing​ tomor​row?​​

Working.. boo..

Ever broke​n a bone?​​
I have a stress fracture on my right ankle but I've been smart enough to avoid things like breaking bones.


Last time you had pizza​?​​
At Lainie's! MMM Homemade.

Is there​ somet​hing you need to tell someo​ne?​​
"You're what the kids would call a slut."

Lol.. Aussie t.v show thing..!


How many days until​ your next birth​day?​​
Like 8 months. Not working the day count out.

What are your initi​als?​​

D M H .

What have you eaten​ today​?​​
Brekkie: Coco Pops, I slice raisin toast, 1 sml banana mm

Lunch: McDippers mm

Dinner: Hot chips and tomato sauce bahah.. So healthy.


Is your hair natur​ally curly​ or strai​ght?​​
Curly..! love it.


Who was the last perso​n you took a pictu​re with?​​
Lainie..!


Who was the first​ perso​n you talke​d to today​?​​
Probably my boss.

Are you curre​ntly sad about​ anyth​ing?​​
Disappointed

Do you put your subje​ct befor​e you type the bulle​tin or after​?​​

Before

Are you tired​?​​
Yes. And confused.

What does your last messa​ge in your inbox​ say?
Bogan Xmas Play lmfao

What colou​r is the shirt​ you are weari​ng?​​
Cream

Where​ were you at noon yeste​rday?​​
Meeting up with Doolie

Would​ you hug the last perso​n you hugge​d again​?​​
Of course Doolie's my girl..!

Can you braid​ hair?​​
No, I'm pretty unco at hair things.

Do you have trust​ issue​s?​​
Probably

Name somet​hing you have in commo​n with all of your sibli​ngs?​​
Brown hair.


Who is the last perso​n who wrote​ a lette​r to you on paper​?​​

A girl I work with.


Who was the last perso​n you watch​ed a movie​ with?​​
My mother. 


Do you prefe​r regul​ar or choco​late milk?​​

Both?

Do you have a tramp​oline​ at your house​?​​
No, tramps don't do it for me. 


Have you ever taken​ medic​ation​s that were presc​ribed​ to someo​ne else?​​
No.

Do you dance​?​​
Love love love to dance.


Name somet​hing that made you frown​ today​?​​
Not talking to the cute guy in the lift.. doh..!

Do you find the oppos​ite sex confu​sing?​​
Um..     YES!


Why did you last laugh​ reall​y hard?​​
When a lovely lady I work with told me about a prank call she made. So funny.. Had to be there.


Are you proud​ of the perso​n you'​​ve becom​e?​​
Yes. But things have still gotta change.


Does anyon​e call you babe/​​ baby?​​
Did so.


What'​​s wrong​ with you right​ now?
Unhealthy... Cannot decide on what I should do for the future.. Trying to decide on my New Years Resolutions.. Getting frustrated..!

Does anyon​e think​ you are a bitch​?​​

Dentist Boy.. lol

Who do you tell EVERY​THING​ to?
Doolie..!


Is there​ anyon​e you want to come see you?
Dentist Boy unfortunately.. I know I know...


What was the last reaso​n why you were mad?
Cos boys are stupid.


What are you excit​ed about​?​​
Holiday celebrations..!

The last perso​n you share​d a bed with mean anyth​ing to you?
Not anymore.


Name a perso​n that you insta​ntly smile​ when you see they'​​re calli​ng?​​
Ice Magic

Is your curre​nt relat​ionsh​ip statu​s simpl​e or compl​icate​d?​​
Simple. Single. Right now not loving it but will this weekend =D

What are you liste​ning to?
Telly.. ads

What'​​s your deskt​op backg​round​?​​
A quote..

"I am nowhere near perfect

I eat when I'm bored

I fall for boys easily

I'm vulnerable to believing lies

I'm hoping one day I wont need to fake a smile.

I live by quotes that explain exactely what I'm going through

I make excuses for everything

I have best friends and enemies

I have drama and memories

(And that's life)

Live it..Love it.. Learn from it.

How many peopl​e are you texti​ng?​​
None atm


What'​​ s the reaso​n behin​d your myspa​ce displ​ay name?​​
D From the Block.. Old nickname..


Do you have a frien​d you can tell stuff​ to and you'​​re sure they won'​​t tell?​​
Yeah.. :)


How many lette​rs are in your last name?​​
4

Do you clean​ when you’r​e upset​?​​
Lol not at all.


Do you know anyon​e who is pregn​ant?​​

Yes there's alot.

Can you make brown​ies witho​ut havin​g to look at the direc​tions​?​​
I can't cook.. lol


How have you felt today​?​​
Happy and also pooey. I want Friday.

Do you read the newsp​aper?​​
Occasionally


Have you ever kisse​d any of your top frien​ds?​​
Lol probably..! Tequila does that..


Are you liste​ning to music​ right now?

Just telly.

If so, what?​​
Bold and the Beautiful.. Juicy..!

What TV show shoul​d never​ stop getti​ng produ​ced?​​
The Hills.

Will and Grace
!

What shoes​ did you wear today​?​​
Brown Havianas.. Nike sneakers.


Do you chang​e your look a lot?
Sometimes.


Who was the last male/​​males​ you talke​d to?
Probably dentist at work.


If one of your frien​ds calle​d you at 3am to come get them would​ you?

I would..but I don't drive.. so boo.


Is there​ somet​hing you regre​t and wish you could​ take back?​​
Welcome to my life..


What time will you be getti​ng up tomor​row morni​ng?​
6am .​.. yay..

Aren't I just a ball of happiness today.. Haha.​

It's over now..

I did it. I ended things with Dentist Boy. Due to asking me why he should call me and why I couldn't surprise him with a call really pressed the wrong buttons.

So its all been said, but I don't think he gets it entirely. There was no normal reaction to the "don't think we should see each other anymore" text. Just told me to enjoy my day. Nothing more.

Then he decided to Facebook chat me to tell me that "you gotta chill out"

That really urks me because if its anyone that needs to chill out its him! Then we started chatting as if nothing ever happened. Which is confusing? But towards the end of the conversation he brought up (in an apparent joking way) that im not a nice girl. I replied that I was nice, just not to people who annoy me! And so he asks:

"do I annoy you?"

"Sometimes"

*Pause pause*

(Me) "Because you can be so demanding at times and its really confusing.."

No reply.


Hrm.

Number deleted.

"I've lost my way..

It's hard to find it through

I see the night but I've lost all sight of you"

Deleted Dentist Boy's number. Gone. 

Although things haven't actually formally been called off.. it feels

 as though it's over. No replies to texts, no calls..nada.

It's been me initiating texts these days, and I've been so adamant to myself and my needs that I wish to be chased.. not the one chasing. I've had enough.

And although it hurts, I think it's probably for the best.. I'm not gonna waste my feelings on this person. It doesn't seem like he's wasting any feelings on me.

But I know when I get to this strong point he will probably do a turn around and be good (it's normally that way when I give up in these situations) so I guess we will just have to see what happens.. Grr.

You know how much I hate that shit. Lol.

P.S My mouse looks so sick...I don't want her to die :(

Falling apart..but maybe into place.

Right now I have so many things going on.. Things beginning, things coming to a standstill, and things ending.

Im so unsure where to go at this point. Friendships are failing; others are strengthening. (Is that a word?) My friendship with "Selfish Snob" has been sorted out, only after a few agressive phone calls..im glad I can hold onto our friendship..but I have come to the realisation how truly different we have become.. And how im not really a fan of these changes. Its different. And its a shame. I've rekindled a lost friendship with an old friend whom I'll call "Lainie"..who I actually met via "Selfish Snob" and got along with famously due to our dry humour, bossiness and vain. We're going through the same things at the moment, so I think we'll do each other a world of good. And company for Field Day and Good Vibrations.

My relationship with Dentist boy is at a standstill..maybe in my head...maybe in reality. We had another fight after the one I originally blogged about which lead me to think that I deserved better. I ended up defending myself and now having done so has made the boy drop back a bit I think. Being treated like shit and taking it is one thing, but being spoken to like crap, defending myself and not taking it, then being being treated like this is another. I don't blame the boy; I called him a whiny selfish baby in pretty much those words, told him if I wanted a child to look after I'd go get myself pregnant..um yeah I know pretty tactless.. But he expects me to drop every thing for him even when he's already told me he's too busy..that's not fair. And after our chat we went back to our normally silly selves again, kisses, cuddles, hand holding. It felt stronger at that point. I was happy. And then.. A change. No messages..no calls..no x's on the end of the few messages I have received (yes, text interpretation is a dangerous thing) and now..I feel like its either playing dormant or close to the finish line.. And it doesn't feel good.

Im crying out for some stability! It could just be my raging PMS though.. hoping for a clearer mind next week..and some text messages from the boy with x's on the end..


P.S I'l regale you about Melbourne later.

M.I.A

Yes kids, have been missing in action.. I'm so buggered (is it possible you can get jet lag from an hour and a half flight?) (or maybe it's because I didn't go to bed till late??) and have so much to bitch about, and so much stuff to catch up on. I haven't even collected my award from the delish JD.. sorry babe..! I'll get there soon..!

I will be home earlier tomorrow, promise, and will type and type till I get the lazies.

Bahhhh *yawnn*